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GREG GUTFELD: Muscular physiques go hand in hand with conservatism

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Yes, you can’t hear me. You don’t know what I’m saying. Happy Wednesday, everybody. Happy Wednesday or, as I like to call it at our house, hump day. The wife makes amazing camel burgers. All right, settle down. So here’s some news that will make you spit your oat milk latte all over an orphans face.  Did you know that muscular, strong and strapping men are perceived as more conservative than wimpy, scrawny, skinny dudes? Oh, you do, huh? Show’s over. Got to go. True, true. It seems that this appears to be more manly than this. What? No wonder he’s out of work. And it’s even before I open this beautiful mouth. Well, now American researchers are confirming what we suspected, that muscular physiques go hand in hand with conservatism. And if you’re puny, well, you’re likely also a progressive ****. Terrible language, but it makes sense. PENCE KEEPS DISTANCE FROM REPUBLICANS AIMING TO BOOT TRUMP FROM BALLOT Check out how left wing these dudes are, right? Huh? Anyway, that’s probably a mistaken photo. U.S. study participants were asked to assess the political orientation of men who varied in strength and muscle, while also considering various facets of what constitutes conservatism and strong men appeared more conservative than weaker ones. Meanwhile, the buff, broad shouldered men are only seen as liberal, they’re only seen as liberal when they’re changing in a women’s locker room. Not only that, the perception that muscles equal conservative was observed regardless of whether the beliefs were related to societal issues or economics. And it makes sense when you consider what it takes to get those muscles. Discipline, hard work, delayed gratification, extra protein, all values that would make a gender studies major report a hate crime. But, you know, doesn’t it make sense?  Conservatism is based on incentives. Do this, get that. Liberalism is the opposite. Don’t do anything, it’s okay, we got you. So the left rewards bad behavior and the right rewards good behavior, which is otherwise known as effort. This is why everyone in Antifa looks like a pile of ****. Let’s kick them. Their idea of fitness is having a piercing that’s only mildly infected with hepatitis. The study also found that people believe strong men value their personal liberties more than weaker dudes should. But what does this mean for the rest of us? Like, say, conservative liberty minded dudes who aren’t as muscular as they would like to be.  You know, Jesse’s about as conservative as they get, but the only lifting he does is a hairbrush, 500 reps each arm three times a day, yet he’s got the upper body strength of Kat Timpf or what about fan favorite comedian Joe Machi over here? Look at that. What a bundle of animal flesh. Crawl all over him. But do people unfairly think he’s a liberal weakling because he has the face of your aunt that never got married and had 14 cats?  TYRUS: Thanks for coming on, Joe. It’s said every time he goes for a walk in NYC he ends up upside down with his legs sticking out of the top of a trash can. People don’t think he looks like a liberal, they just think he looks like a lesbian. IT’S TRUMP’S RACE TO LOSE FOUR AND A HALF MONTHS AHEAD OF THE FIRST VOTES IN THE GOP NOMINATION BATTLE JOE MACHI: Oh wow. TYRUS: Thanks for coming on. Yeah, you should have seen the ones I cut, really bad. But of course, there’s Tyrus. He could kick the crap out of the GOP elephant himself. Is there any question how he and his 38-inch neck votes? TYRUS: Nope, thanks, mom. Yeah. Then there’s Kat. True, her arms are mistaken for wishbones, but she’s as wiry is a short haired terrier tangled up in a ball of yarn. The point is, there are exceptions. Just look at Chris Cuomo, if you can find him. His new show airs at midnight on the closed circuit TV of a 7-Eleven in Queens. Now, he’s not conservative by any stretch, but check him out. He built those muscles and he built them through resistance training, mostly from women trying to resist his advances. I’m kidding. I’m not. So even though participants in the study all equated muscular physiques with strong conservative values, it’s not always the case, right? But at least in the eyes of many, it is. So it’s like my uncle always told me, “You can judge a book by its cover.” Well, unless it’s written by Brian Kilmeade. Nerd. No, I don’t either. This woman… PENCE, RAMASWAMY, CROSS PATHS BUT DON’T TRADE FIRE AT SAME CAMPAIGN EVENT IN KEY PRIMARY STATE TYRUS: That’s my mom. I know, but look, I know that generalizations like this suck, and it’s been my motto that one must favor individuals over groups. But my impression of the truly fit is that they’re either apolitical or they are right wing. They’re never outspoken leftists. So why can’t people apply the principles of fitness to other aspects of life if they know that it works? Muscles get better depending on what you put into them, but that also, it makes sense, would go for work, education, security, safety, the border, economics. So if you love the gym, you might try that mentality elsewhere because it’s not shocking that a lot of people equate looking strong with behaving strong as well.  So the next time you need someone with strong values and a strong jaw, pick a TV host who has broad shoulders and chiseled physiques that you need. For more Culture, Media, Education, Opinion, and channel coverage, visit foxnews.com/media.